Okay! Many of the previous blogs were some background knowledge on terms you may want to know, the way we use language, and LGBTQ+ allyship in action. So, they were more geared towards education and vendors. But let’s have some fun with LGBTQ+ inclusive wedding planning ideas!

Here’s a little back story about me. I started planning my wedding in 2018/2019 at a time when I mostly used she/her pronouns and mostly identified as a cisgender woman who was marrying a cisgender woman. But, by the time of our wedding in May 2019, I started realizing I didn’t quite feel I fit within a binary. I didn’t really identify with my assignment of female at birth, either.

When my fiancé and I were filling out paperwork, almost everything said bride/groom and his/her, Mr./Mrs. Being a gay couple, a lot of that didn’t fit us. So, I remember crossing out a lot to even just write in bride (which didn’t feel like me but it was closer), or just filling in information ignoring how it was categorized.

I have to say, even if our vendors were inclusive and affirming, we definitely started feeling kind of like an afterthought because of the way the paperwork was phrased. As we got closer to our wedding, I wanted to make things as gender neutral as possible. I even found a bunch of ideas for ceremonies and catered them to who we are as a couple. Some of my ideas came from things I found that worked for us by searching and asking around (but I certainly will not make all of this blog geared towards completely neutral). If an idea works for you, great! if not, hopefully some other ideas will be more your vibe.

Looking for an LGBTQ+-Inclusive Wedding Vendor

As I wrote above, I absolutely know what it is like to not feel fully represented when looking for vendors. Sometimes you are not sure who is not inclusive, who is inclusive, or who is affirming. While planning a large event, the last thing you want on your list of things to do is educate others. In part of this series of blog posts, I have written on how vendors can show their allyship and strive to be inclusive and affirming towards all. I want to share with you some things you could look for in a vendor, so you can expect that you will be affirmed on your big day.

• Google LGBTQ [vendor type] near me. For example, “LGBTQ wedding photographer in South Jersey”.
• Instagram tags! Personally, I tend to use #queerphotographer #lgbtqphotographer #queerwedding #queerweddingphotographer 
• ASK YOUR FRIENDS! Chances are if you are part of the LGBTQ community, you know others in the community, and maybe they have gone through this already. Ask them who they used but also if they would recommend them to others!
• Anyone can say they will work with LGBTQ couples, but to see if they are affirming, check their portfolios. 
  • Is there a variety of clients portrayed? 
  • How do they describe clients? 
  • Do they share their pronouns/ask for pronouns? 
• While communicating with vendors, or reading about them, you may be able to tell if they are just checking the boxes or if they genuinely are trying to create a safe space for their clients, and actively educating themselves on best practices.

Inclusive Wedding Planning Ideas

As I have mentioned in some of my other blogs, if you identify within the gender binary, of course use words that affirm you and your identity! However, if you identify outside of those boxes, or you know you will have guests at your wedding that are outside of the binary, I have some ideas on how to plan a more inclusive wedding! Also, I think some of these ideas are just fun!

Details:

• Save-the-dates, invitations, cake toppers, etc. (anything that would normally have Mr. and Mrs., etc). You can also just substitute your names for those titles.
• Invitations and place cards: use people’s full names instead of using an honorific (such as Mr., Ms., or Mrs.)
  • If you are non-binary or otherwise don’t vibe with Mr or Mrs, you can use Mx. (pronounced mix)
    • I came across this when I did not feel Mr. or Mrs. worked for me. Mx. is a gender neutral term that also does not denote whether you are married or not. I personally love it (though some people do still hear Ms some of the time)!
• Bonus vendor tip: I was recently part of a group that had another LGBTQ+ inclusive speaker and photographer. Someone else mentioned in their contracts they use Player 1 and Player 2 and I think that is super awesome! (Or, maybe you are a fun couple getting ready to marry and you want to use those terms in your vows. That would be fun too!)
• Subtle queer hints: such as Chuck Taylor shoes with a rainbow just on the bottom or a wedding cake with one of the tiers being rainbow when you cut into it!

Getting Ready and First Look

I have been speaking with a few other people in the wedding industry and have noticed some newer trends, as well as some we think may be cool to add in to some alternative style weddings!

• Don’t have a masculine-presenting folks in dresses as “jokes” (here is an instagram reel about this).
• Get ready TOGETHER.
• Find an alternative to the groom walking up to the bride and tapping her on the shoulder (3…2…1…surprise?) Have someone walk you two towards each other until you are back to back, or do something else. There are so many different ideas here!

Inclusive Wedding Ceremony and Reception Ideas

• In the vows and ceremony, you can eliminate as many pronouns as possible – opting for “them”, “the couple”, or simply your names
• DJ can introduce you as “the Newlyweds” and include your last name(s)
• “Special Dances” in lieu of Father/Daughter or Mother/Son dances (these can also be used if a parent or guardian cannot be there)
• Mix up your wedding party and/or consider including your pet!

This is part of a series of guest blogs by Rylan Earle-Lott of Rylan Lott Photography, LLC about being an LGBTQ ally, terms and language for inclusivity, posing, and finding an affirming vendor/planning an inclusive wedding.

About the Author

Rylan (he/they) is a NJ based trans-masculine educator and photographer. He strives to create beautiful imagery in a comfortable and inclusive environment for those he works with. He uses a photojournalistic approach to capturing images that tell the entire story of the day. This includes formal portraits to joyful candids and everything in between. 

Outside of their own photography career, Rylan is enthusiastic and positive about sharing their journey of both unlearning and learning throughout his transition. This has included speaking on state panels about LGBTQ protections in education, as well as leading professional development workshops on supporting those in the LGBTQ community. Rylan fervently believes we can improve our communities and our society by educating those that seek it. 

You can see more of Rylan’s work and blogs by visiting www.rylanlottphotography.com