In 2022 we are happy that the LGBTQ+ community has made a lot of progress in positive visibility and protections in the past few decades. However, we are also well aware that not everybody is supportive, let alone affirming. In 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriages in all 50 states with the court ruling Obergefell v. Hodges. However, the world, and especially the wedding industry, still holds the standard of heteronormativity (traditional male and female marriages). Though there are laws like this one protecting LGBTQ folks, there are also bills moving throughout state legislatures currently that are attempting to limit or remove some of those protections. In some cases, these bills are also trying to limit or remove visibility.

Depending on which part of the country you live in, you may feel more safe, seen, and/or heard than others. Still, there are moments of “what if” everywhere. It is also important to realize that those with intersecting marginalized identities (such as people of color) will experience a heightened awareness and incidence of these feelings. So how as photographers and wedding vendors can we help those in the LGBTQ+ community? One of the best ways you can help at the local level, the one on one level, is to be an inclusive and affirming ally. But what exactly does that mean?

The Definition of an LGBTQ+ Ally

According to GLSEN, allyship is defined as “…when an individual speaks out and advocates for a person or group that is often targeted and discriminated against. Allyship works to interrupt and end oppression by supporting and advocating for people who are stigmatized, discriminated against or treated unfairly either proactively, reactively, or both.” By being an ally to any community, you can have a positive impact on somebody’s quality of life. You can help to end ignorance that lead to issues faced by the communities. You can also help foster more inclusive environments around you.

The Impact of Allyship

As a trans person myself, I am lucky enough to have some very fierce allies around me. Some of the best feelings have been when a weight was lifted off of my shoulders because an ally created an environment around me where I felt comfortable to invite people to know I was changing my name and pronouns, or when they have corrected others on my name and pronouns both in front of me AND when I was not around. The allies in my life have helped affirm who I am and make me feel welcome enough to help create the space I needed to invite others into my life.

Allies who actively practice their allyship can hold so much power to help the forward progress going. They can help encourage people to continue to be their most authentic selves. When people can be their most authentic selves, there is more positive visibility, happiness, growth and strength.

Walking the Walk

Inclusive, affirming, safe space…these words are being used more often in people’s blogs, websites, and social media pages, but sometimes there is a line between marketing for SEO / using buzz words, and actually being inclusive and affirming in practice. [I have decided to leave out “safe space” after following conversations from another queer photographer – Shannon Collins – about the inability to actually physically guarantee any space as safe, but that is another conversation.] While it is important to have visible allies and we do want people to have the best intentions, it is also important to do the work to become inclusive and affirming if that is what your website and presence is making you out to be because it can become harmful to those in the queer community if you are not.

How to Be an LGBTQ+ Ally

For an easy example to start with: you absolutely could have no problem photographing a “same-sex” marriage, but during the photo session, maybe you ask “who is more of the guy and who is more of the girl”?

Ouch! That will NOT sit well with the couple you are working with. As a queer person who already does not enjoy being in front of the camera myself, I would immediately not feel totally comfortable around this person. Additionally, it would definitely inhibit the rest of the photo session.

As a photographer, I know that if I lose those people’s interest or any connection, I’m not going to have the relationship I need to have a quality photo session with them anymore. And if that is happening on an important day – well, I’m sure you can follow. Especially when dealing with big life events such as a wedding, people need to be able to trust the people they are surrounding themselves with for quality of work and general wellbeing. This also includes queer vendors – just as we want clients to be able to be their 100% authentic selves, we need to be able to be our authentic selves when we show up.

I know I may be a bit biased. I am also relatively young in my journey within the queer community. But, having said that, meeting with and working with other queer people have been some of my most positive experiences. So many in the community have so much love, knowledge, and life experiences to share. Being trusted to be able to capture queer joy as a photographer is just amazing. Phew, that’s already a lot of information! Still, I want to leave you with some quick tips below on becoming a better ally. (You can even read a similar blog I wrote in the beginning of 2022 here).

Tips on Becoming a Better Ally

• Be willing to listen.
• Be willing to learn (everything in life is constantly changing).
  • A simple way of learning on your own is to follow queer advocate accounts, such as @shannoncollinsphoto @tianash @kassiaj @pinkmantaray and @alokvmenon, or listening to a few podcasts like Pause on the Play.
  • Be willing to use your privilege to advocate for the community. But, do not speak over the community.
  • Ask honest and helpful questions (How can I refer to you? Are you comfortable with *this word*? How can I better help you?)
• Be willing to make, and own up to, your mistakes.
• Don’t ask invasive questions.
• Support the queer community by following queer social media accounts, sharing their work, buying from queer vendors (monetary support).
• Don’t support in posting masculine-presenting folks in dresses as “jokes” (here is a Instagram reel about this).
• Respecting and affirming ALL identities. People are the experts on their identities, so do not discount them when they say something is hurtful or harmful.
• Using people’s names and pronouns (if you make a mistake, correct yourself and move on).
  • Please don’t ask for preferred names or preferred pronouns – these are people’s names and pronouns, preferred implies that they are a choice and not as valid as birth names or assumed binary pronouns.
  • Requiring all people to disclose their pronouns could also be counterintuitive because not all people are sure of their pronouns. Some feel it may “out” them, and some just may not be comfortable in that space or time.
• Don’t assume pronouns/gender identity/sexuality (also know that pronouns do not equal gender).

Nobody will be perfect. We will all make mistakes, but mistakes allow us to learn and grow. The more we grow, the better humans we can be towards each other.

This is part of a series of guest blogs by Rylan Earle-Lott of Rylan Lott Photography, LLC about being an LGBTQ ally, terms and language for inclusivity, posing, and finding an affirming vendor/planning an inclusive wedding.

About the Author

Rylan (he/they) is a NJ based trans-masculine educator and photographer. He strives to create beautiful imagery in a comfortable and inclusive environment for those he works with. He uses a photojournalistic approach to capturing images that tell the entire story of the day. This includes formal portraits to joyful candids and everything in between. 

Outside of their own photography career, Rylan is enthusiastic and positive about sharing their journey of both unlearning and learning throughout his transition. This has included speaking on state panels about LGBTQ+ protections in education, as well as leading professional development workshops on supporting those in the LGBTQ+ community. Rylan fervently believes we can improve our communities and our society by educating those that seek it. 

You can see more of Rylan’s work and blogs by visiting www.rylanlottphotography.com.